I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
