Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
