My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
