"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
