I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
