My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i dont even know how to be here
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
