I only kidnapped one of them. chill
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I deserve this hangover.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
