my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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