What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
