I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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