She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
