we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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