Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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