just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
