LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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