Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
