I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
