can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
