dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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