The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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