And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
