I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Houston, we have a squirter
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
