I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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