No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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