Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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