I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
