I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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