between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
