do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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