There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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