I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
