we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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