i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Still dying that you shit outside
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
