I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
