Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
