the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
