Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
