and next time when you feel me up, do it right
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
