No stitches, just platelets and will power
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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