She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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