i may or may not be watching the land before time
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
