Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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