I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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