you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
