YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
