I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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