i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Fuck appropriateness.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
