My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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