the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
