I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
