You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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