I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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