piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
