apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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