ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
