Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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